Forgetful

I have been working my way through the book of Mark, and this morning I read chapter 8. This chapter starts out with the story of Jesus feeding the four thousand. I started reading it and realized, I have read this story very recently. After a few seconds' thought, I flipped back a few pages in my Bible – two, to be exact – and there, two chapters earlier, in Mark 6, is the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. Ok, I thought, that explains why it feels so very recent, and I kept reading. What I read next blew my mind, for I had never read it in this light before. Here is what I found: when Jesus expressed concern for the hungry crowd who had lingered for three days without food, his disciples responded, “How can one feed these people with bread here In this desolate place?” (Mk 8:4).

I had to read it several times to be sure my eyes were not deceiving me. Mere days after Jesus miraculously fed five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish, his disciples haven't the faintest idea how he is going to feed these four thousand people. Even after witnessing His miraculous provision first-hand, they worry. It isn't even a situation requiring different provision from before, or more provision than before. In both situations, Jesus must make much out of little, and this second situation actually requires less.

I began to grow irritated with the disciples – I wanted to dash back in time and shake them, yelling, “He just fed five thousand, you idiots! Have you forgotten what He has done? Don't you see what He can do?”

And then, in a flash, I realized why I was so irritated with them - their failure is an exact mirror image of my own.

There aren't many things more humbling than being in the throes of righteous indignation, only to realize I am exactly as guilty as the victims of my rage. (Log, splinter, etc.)

These disciples had witnessed God's provision first-hand; so have I.

These disciples immediately forgot God's provision and began again to worry about the exact same things as before; I have done the same.

It is for this reason that Jesus' words later in Mark 8 hit me hard. You see, the disciples failed again later in that very chapter. After Jesus fed the four thousand - with food to spare - and after a brief discourse with some angry Pharisees, He and the disciples got on a boat. The disciples had only one loaf of bread between them, and began to fret about their hunger.

And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” They said to him, “Twelve.” “And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” And they said to him, “Seven.” And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?” (Mark 8:17-21)

These words shoot straight into my heart. I am so blind to His past provision – so distracted by my current want and my future worry - that I act as if I have never witnessed His provision first-hand. What pain it must have brought Jesus when His disciples did not understand! And what pain it must bring Him now when I do not remember!

Lord, I have been a forgetful fool. Thank you for your enormous patience, and for feeding me in spite of my unbelief.