Discouragement is one of the concepts
that crosses all sectors of humanity. It's the result of being human
in a broken world. So, because I inhabit planet Earth, I've
experienced my fair share. I won't for a moment pretend that the
situations that have brought about my discouragement would even
register on the tragedy scale –
but as I've explained before, my heart is frail anyway.
In my
short life, I've experienced discouragement ranging from mild to
severe on several occasions. Some was the direct result of a life
happenstance, some was mere emotional turmoil – a gift from my
enemy. Typically, this discouragement is confined to one realm of my
life and does not bleed into the others, making it easier to handle.
Recently,
an onslaught of discouragement afflicted all three major realms of my
life simultaneously – Logistical Trivialities (into which my
employment falls), Personal Relationships, and Ministry. Immediately
after the last discouraging puzzle piece slid into place, I flew into
my bed and vowed to stay there until God finally saw fit to take me
Home.
There's
really no way to describe what happened next. It consisted of many
tears and much prayer. I said a lot and heard very little in return.
I called up the Prayer Troops and begged for their intercession.
There was a fair amount of bargaining, and some begging for time to
rewind. The bottom had dropped out; life was unraveling; I had become
a messy puddle of a person.
Then
God blessed me with sleep. And when I awoke – whether the result of
mental recalibration or the prayers of my prayer warriors, I shall
never know – peace was mine once again. Mental clarity ruled, and
for a brief instant I recalled the blubbering fool I had been less
than an hour before. That Past Nora was not a Victorious Nora; that
was a Defeated Nora. But defeat is not one of the fruits of the
Spirit, nor is it a characteristic of a child of God. My flesh had
won – but now I was on to it. Now I was aware of its little game.
So I
have vowed never to let myself be so defeated again. I won't be
arrogant enough to vow never to be at all defeated, because unless
sweet relief from life comes this instant, that vow will soon be
broken. But I will not surrender as easily next time. Next time I fly
to my bed, it will be because something far worse has happened to me
than has ever happened to me before. And next time I meet this same
amount of discouragement, I will blubber for a shorter amount of time
and waste fewer words in bargaining. And if I am made to live long
enough and endure enough disappointment, one day I will experience
complete victory over the urge to fly to my bed and blubber and
bargain. One day I hope to meet discouragement head-on –
unflinchingly.
Until then, Lord, I ask only for
victory amidst this defeat.
