If there is
one thing about my Creator that always catches me off-guard, no
matter how frequently and elaborately He reminds me of it, it is
this: He always knows exactly what I need.
Today is a
huge-flashing-neon-sign reminder of this, because today, I needed a
migraine – and that is exactly what I got. Without boring you with
the back story, understand that in the last few months, my life has
gone into upheaval (the good kind), and I have run myself ragged with
all kinds of wonderful things.
And then
out of the blue, I found myself with most of a free Saturday – a
Saturday I intended to fill with errands and chores. But this
morning, when my alarm went off to start my busy day of freedom, I
had the worst migraine I've ever experienced.
There's not
much to do when light and sound are unbearable – but I remembered
that the Bible app on my phone will read the Bible aloud to me. I was
way behind on my Bible reading, having prioritized incorrectly when
my life went into upheaval, so I asked my Bible app to read to me,
closed my eyes, and listened.
For hours.
After
listening to bits of 1 Timothy and some Psalms, half of Ecclesiastes,
and a good 75% of Nehemiah, I realized that this was exactly what I
needed: time in silence listening to God's Word. And with my life
organized the way it is, there was essentially one way God was going
to get me here – a migraine.
And so,
because God is the sovereign, magnificent Provider that He is, His
gracious hand gave me a migraine so painful that I would have no
choice but to sit in silence and listen.
And that is
when He brought me to one of my favorite chapters in the entire Bible
- Nehemiah 9.
I challenge
you, right now, to drop what you're doing and read Nehemiah 9... and
then read it again. And anytime you crave a love story, read
Nehemiah 9. And anytime you wonder if God is really a loving God,
read Nehemiah 9. And anytime you wonder whether God is listening to
your cries, whether God is really there with you, whether God could
possibly care about a sinner like yourself, read Nehemiah 9.
Nehemiah 9
is one of the most concise yet heartrendingly-beautiful descriptions
of the interplay between God's faithfulness to the Israelites and
their faithlessness towards Him.
The chapter
starts out with a description of the many extravagant things God did
for His people: His delivery from Egypt, His protection in the
wilderness, His victory over their enemies, His presence on Mount
Sinai, and His constant, unabated provision. And then comes the most
heartbreaking word in the Old Testament: but.
Some version of this negative occurs 11 times in this chapter: but,
yet, nevertheless. And it always
indicates something contrary to logic – the occurrence of something
that ought never to have happened.
Seven
times, this ridiculous but
precedes an Israelite
rebellion. Far too many times in the Old Testament, the Israelites
defied logic and betrayed the One who had saved them. Over and over,
these chosen people, these redeemed few, covered their blessedness in
shame and filth, spitting in the face of the God who had come down to
rescue them.
Nevertheless,
it is the other four instances
of this illogical word that lends it its beauty. For
every time Israel sinned and rightly suffered for it, God returned to
redeem her from the pain she had earned by her rebellion.
It
is these buts and yets
that get us through the darkness that is all around us.
Every
time I fall short, every time I cover my blessedness with shame and
filth, I remember this but: “But
you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger
and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them.” (17)
And neither will He forsake me.
Whenever
I have dug myself a pit I cannot climb out of, I remember this yet:
“Yet when they
turned and cried to you, you heard from heaven, and many times you
delivered them according to your mercies.” (28) And just as He
heard them from their endless pit of rebellion, He will hear me and
answer me – and He will do so according to His endless mercies.
If
ever I am distressed over the impending fate of a lost soul I hold
dear, I remember this, the most beautiful nevertheless;
“Nevertheless, in
your great mercies you did not make an end of them or forsake them,
for you are a gracious and merciful God.” (31) For though I know
His justice is perfect, I know His grace is powerful enough, even for
those I deem hopelessly lost.
And
if ever there comes a time when I doubt He is worthy of my reliance,
if He will in fact hear me and forgive me and redeem His lost, I
remember this yet:
“Yet you have been
righteous in all that has come upon us, for you have dealt faithfully
and we have acted wickedly.” (33) For how dare I doubt His
faithfulness to me! Even if I were to live as long as the Israelite
nation endured in rebellion and fail as many times as they failed, He
would still remain faithful to me. He would still forgive me each and
every time, no matter how often. He would still hear me, no matter
how deep the pit I had dug. And He will continue to redeem the lost,
no matter how impossible it may seem for Him to do so.
And,
because I am unlikely to change any time soon, He will continue to
drag me to my knees whenever I have forgotten to kneel – for this
is exactly what I need.
